The male gender has always dominated society when it comes to strength and courage. This is the reason, since the day one we have all heard, seen, and maybe even said . “Boys don’t cry” statement in our lives. The society have taught our males to hide their emotions. They are caught in a double bind, put on them by society, the other gender, and their selves. The double bind says that they should be more in touch with their emotions and yet, at the same time, be tough, macho, Mr. Fix-It, and the Family Provider. They are asked to be in touch with their “feminine” side and still retain their “Male” strength.”
From the earliest ,we have told our male counterparts that they are not allowed to be complete. They are always supposed to hide their emotions and to mask their feelings. They are not allowed to be human. That being a “Man” means being emotionally invincible. Denying them the very part of who they are as healthy, balanced and complete human beings – with emotions. We just don’t keep it straight that there are some times a man would feel low and depressed. That they want a place for themselves where they cry their hearts out and can display their inner real weaker version.
According to a new psychological survey, Big boys don’t cry but deep down they’re more emotional than women. The experiment found that men responded twice as strongly as women with higher levels of physiological emotion when presented with heart-warming content. This study suggests that men feel emotion just as much as women, sometimes more strongly, but are less willing to express these emotions openly due to expectations put on them by society.
Instead we teach them that the only acceptable negative emotion that they can feel as men is anger, and require that they replace the healthy ability to feel hurt, pain, disappointment, sorrow – with aggression. We tell them that they are not allowed to be sad but in fact should get mad when things they don’t like happen. To shove the wholeness of their true feelings aside and only ever be angry whenever negative emotions creep up. Because supposedly this is what being a man is all about – being hard and tough. This results in the ultimate male violence and frustration which is being faced by our society since ages.
“If we don’t let our boys cry tears, they’ll cry bullets,”
I may not be a man, but I am a woman. And I know that the same way society has told me who I am supposed to be based on being a “girl” or a “woman” …. is not the way I feel 99% of the time. I know that my strength and resilience know no bounds, and that I have a voice which I never fail to use to assert my truth.
Before we are men, women, gender-queer – we are people, human beings. And the societal designation of daft gender roles or ignorant books that highlight human-made imaginary differences between us need not apply when we choose to be our true and complete selves.
Gender stereotypes about men being stoic and women being emotional are reinforced on us from the beginning. “It is our responsibility to break the stereotype of what the popular culture defines as a real man. It’s time to stop complaining about boy’s aggressiveness and men’s lack of emotional availability by taking down the double bind. It is true that males have a problem expressing themselves. But it is also true that they hunger for relationship and affection. They are tire of being cool, independent and always in control. Turn the emotional funnel around and let all of the emotions come out, safely and in a healthy manner. Maybe then it will be O.K. if Men cry…